The Canadian dollar is now worth the same as the American dollar. As an American, I would like to concede and congratulate our northern neighbors on a hard-fought battle. As a cash-and-commodity-conscious US citizen, I cannot but marvel at the equal value (and soon-to-be greater value) of Canadian citizens. Therefore, we surrender everything to the Canada unconditionally. I will relinquish all my firearms and half my cars and submit to 100% taxation from the Great Northern Communists who are no doubt chomping at the bit to overthrow American culture so they can start producing their own terrible multi-million-dollar movies and television shows about curling, beaver hunting, and growing up Inuit.

Please please please just don’t cut off our water. We’re so thirsty!