One Response to “Hamsterfight!”

1. Christopher says:
   

   Complete Transcript for “Hamsterfight!”

   1) Ben: [Holding hamster] Look what my mom got me for Christmas! A hamster!
   Poet: [Also holding hamster] No way! I got a hamster, too!
   2) B: My hamster brings me happiness!
   P: My hamster brings me love!
   3) B: [Seated on the floor, places hamster on the ground] My hamster would like to meet your hamster.
   P: Go on, little fellah, don’t be shy.
   4) [Hamsters simultaneously jump into the air with a “POING!”]
   5) [Outrageous anime-style attack scene]
   6) [Ben and Poet watch in horror as hamsters brutalize one another]
   7) [The hamsters are dead and bleeding. Ben and Poet are shocked/disgusted]
   8.) B: [Standing, hands on head] That SUCKED!!!
   P: [Crouching] They were pissed about something…

   Notes:
   This was a pretty easy write. It’s a pretty basic joke. The last frame, however, was tough because a very subtle change to the phrasing alters the sense of “completion.” I tossed around a number of alternatives, although always with the same body language:

   8.) B: That SUCKED!
   P: Man! They were PISSED OFF!

   8.) B: Oh my god! That SUCKED!
   P: …they were REALLY PISSED OFF!

   Ultimately I decided to keep Ben’s speech as simple and “punchy” as possible, which contrasts Poet’s subdued reaction. The trailing elipses then turn the statement into a proto-question, instead of a concrete statement. “They were pissed about something…” is strikingly different in attitude from “They were pissed about something.”

   The Lesson: Sometimes good punchlines are not a wry twist but a simple restatement or observation by the participants. The joke was done by frame 7. Frame 8 is just an epilogue. Don’t force things.

   February 21st, 2008 at 7:40 pm

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