Death By Kickball

Death by Kickball

One Response to “Death By Kickball”

  1. Christopher says:

    Transcript for “Death by Kickball”

    1) [roll]
    2) [kick]
    3) Poet: Whoa! Whoa! I got it! I got it!
    4) [PANG]
    5) Girl: I think he’s dead.
    Boy1: Pity.
    Boy2: Hey coach! This corpse is blocking the baseline!
    6) Ben: Poet! Get up! Coach Fathead’s getting really mad you’re still unconscious!
    7) B: Are you okay?
    P: I think I just had a near-death experience.
    8.) B: What was it like?
    P: It was exactly like this. Kickball, pushups, even coach Fathead was there.
    9) B: Oh my god! You were in Hell!
    P: Nope. It was Heaven. That’s how they keep you from killing yourself. I figured it out.

    As you can probably guess, I sucked at kickball as a child and quite regularly humiliated myself playing it. I am quick to judge anyone who plays this brutal bloodsport while simultaneously claiming to be an “adult” (also dodgeball and soccer).

    The wooden balance beam made of telephone pole timbers was a favored attraction at my elementary school. It was one of the few PE activities you could not fail at.